Damn Near Killed 'Em

It's been a while since my last posting, and for those of you who live for my posts, I apologize. I apologize mostly because your life needs more meaning then the mindless rants of me....so lay off e-mailing me about it! I post as I find motivation, and today I found the best motivation of all time. Let me repeat that...All Time.

I got an e-mail telling about a weightlifter lifting so much he had a prolapsed rectum. Obviously a fake story, but the picture included (shown below) is memorable.

The puns coming from this story ad picture are numerous. To sum the story up in under 10 words: Dude lifted too much, and his rectum came out. I only play a doctor occasionally at the bar, so my medical training is low, but when the rectum leaves the body, it's not good. In fact, you are in deep shit. Or more accurately, your third spotter is in deep shit. The funny part is the third spotter kind of seems like the lazy spotter. You want the first two to grab the weights from the side, and the third guy is there to make sure he doesn't fall backwards. The guy is watching, not expecting anything, and then...

Guy lays his ass out, and third spotter gets sprayed with ass parts and fecal matter! You would have to pay me a lot to withstand that job. First, you get to view a big guy literally squatting in front of you wearing very tight clothes, then there is the chance that he will shoot his ass and fecal matter all over you. No thank you.

His rectum...is out of his body. Even if the picture is staged...his ass is inside out...

Oh, and then the doctors put him on a low-fiber diet to reduce flatulence.

Update: a link to the story online. Again, obviously fake, but a funny story nonetheless.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/risque/prolapse.asp

Write that down...

Is there anything more fun than quoting movies? With just one line, you can bring people back to feel the emotion of a whole movie, and get some decent laughs. Generally comedies quote better than dramas or action movies (and foreign films suck to quote - no one knows what your saying with out the subtitling...and subtitling doesn't exist in real life). I think we all need to take some time and refresh ourselves on the best quote movies of all-time. Here's my top 5 most quotable movies, along with some thoughts and top quotes.

1) Van Wilder. There is no movie I quote more, from "Write that down," to "Are you stalking me? Because that would be super!" to "Sorry boys, the bakery is closed," to "Naomi, that's 'I Moan' backwards." Simply put, the best ever quote movie. Very underrated, no matter what it's rated (unless it's rated #1 of course).

2) Caddyshack. Everyone reading this ought to be able to run off 4 Caddyshack quotes instantly, if not, go back and watch this movie. Chevy Chase at his best. Also, and very importantly, Caddyshack II sucks. A lot.

3) Casablanca. A classic, even if in black and white. When the American Film Institute came out with it's list of 100 greatest movie quotes, Casablanca was the film with the most quotes, 7. Some are serious, some are funny, and most people quoting the movie don't know that they are quoting this movie. Stellar.

4) Full Metal Jacket. Truthfully, you only need to watch the first hour of this movie. Once Vincent D'onofrio dies, the movie loses a lot. Quick - what are the only two things to come out of Texas? I don't need to say anymore.

5) Fletch. Again, Chevy Chase at his best. Too many good quotes to list, so here's a link:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089155/quotes Try to read without laughing (especially if you are at work - we don't need this blog blocked by more companies).

Just missing the cut:

Billy Madison

Bull Durham

Major League

Maltese Falcon

Let me know what movies I missed.