Magnum, PI

Thank God for this popular trend of remaking 1980's TV shows into movies. We got to see Starsky & Hutch, Transformers, Miami Vice, and now I received word that soon to be filmed is the king of all shows: Magnum, PI. I anxiously await this release, but am saddened by the rumors that Tom Selleck will not be Magnum, nor even in the movie. This is the cast I heard:

Matthew McConaughey as Magnum
Steve Zahn as Rick
Tyrese Gibson as TC
William H. Macy as Higgins

I do not approve. Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV is Tom Selleck, and Tom Selleck should be Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV. This would be like remaking The Golden Girls without that tall guy, you know, Estelle Getty's kid...Bea Arthur. That guy is funny.

Amid my disgust, I got thinking of other great shows that need movies made of them. Here's my list:

GI Joe - I would prefer a non-cartoon version, and given the recent success of Transformers, as well as the political landscape, perhaps funding can be arranged by hitting up the Republican National Committee.

Diff'rent Strokes - I don't know where we could find another group of kids who would turn out to be such horrible adults... but I want to try! Has there ever been a greater collection of wasted talent than that of Dana Plato, Todd Bridges and Gary Coleman?

The Facts of Life - With some tweaks to casting, this could be a great movie. Beyonce as Tootie, Jessica Simpson as Beverly, and Lindsay Lohan as Jo. I see a big box office smash.

The A-Team - I think we could still use Mr. T is this movie, but would also like to use Steve Martin as Hannibal.

Why am I not in Hollywood writing screenplays?